Sunday, April 04, 2004
Please Turn This Damn Thing Off !!!!!
My brain that is. I’m tired of thinking. I have come to the conclusion that it is a seriously overrated activity. I can’t stop thinking about everything and anything. Lately I’ve been focusing on the negative and so there should be a switch that involves less effort and pain than a lobotomy or a bullet through the head.
It’s sad I feel this way too. I had a relatively good weekend. We went on a choir tour in Maryland. The bus ride down was relatively pleasant. I made friends with the bus driver and got a free meal. I made better friends with people in the choir. I was the wonderful charming Adam Carnegie. Our host family was idyllic and honestly inspiring, even the typical oldest child of privilege. Yeah he drinks and he’s only 18, rebels against his father’s business, but at least he still respects his mother. I saw a friend at a show. I saw my mom and family. And I wrote some stupid rhymes and my freestyle skills are getting better.
Drizzle says that the passion is gone from our relationship. I wonder if my passion has been redirected into activities that are unnecessary. Or maybe I suppress the passion I feel cause it makes me seem vulnerable. Maybe I just want to avoid the silly arguments we used to have and the passion might have been a part of that. I don’t know. But I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling. It really hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I run in circles like a chicken with its head cut off.
I think I have wanted too much. Instead of wanting everything to work, I just should have shot for things to work enough. Maybe then life would be much simpler. I just want to stop drowning.
It’s sad I feel this way too. I had a relatively good weekend. We went on a choir tour in Maryland. The bus ride down was relatively pleasant. I made friends with the bus driver and got a free meal. I made better friends with people in the choir. I was the wonderful charming Adam Carnegie. Our host family was idyllic and honestly inspiring, even the typical oldest child of privilege. Yeah he drinks and he’s only 18, rebels against his father’s business, but at least he still respects his mother. I saw a friend at a show. I saw my mom and family. And I wrote some stupid rhymes and my freestyle skills are getting better.
Drizzle says that the passion is gone from our relationship. I wonder if my passion has been redirected into activities that are unnecessary. Or maybe I suppress the passion I feel cause it makes me seem vulnerable. Maybe I just want to avoid the silly arguments we used to have and the passion might have been a part of that. I don’t know. But I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling. It really hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I run in circles like a chicken with its head cut off.
I think I have wanted too much. Instead of wanting everything to work, I just should have shot for things to work enough. Maybe then life would be much simpler. I just want to stop drowning.
